Frank Sumpter has spent the past few weeks reflecting on Wild On Ice’s remarkable journey to somehow work through his grief over the horse’s catastrophic injury just nine days before he was supposed to race in the Kentucky Derby.

Coming so close has provided some consolation through a rollercoaster of emotions.

“I felt that if heaven felt like this, I can’t wait to get to heaven, you know?” the Texas owner and trainer said of his colt, who was euthanized after a pre-Derby workout at Churchill Downs on April 27. “It kind of jerks the rug out from under you. For the trainer, myself and his family, it’s very devastating.”

The numbers suggest that horse racing is the safest it has been for the animals since at least 2009. Yet every death draws fresh criticism that the sport is far too cruel to continue and it sends every stable into mourning all over again, often out of sight.